Dog's Plot

The evidence is all around us, here in the Finger Lakes.
For many years science assumed that these lakes were dug by the global glaciers , which certainly did scour and trench this region. But sicence knows that glacial valleys are U shaped and that glaciers can gouge no deeper than sea level, whereas recent remote sensing techniques
have revealed the finger Lakes bedrock bottoms, under the sediment of ten thousand years,
to be V rather than U shaped, and well below sea level. Though there are alternate explanations of these facts, the truth is clear and simple.: Dog did it.


Before Man God, back before dinosaurs and chickens, even before dirt and fungi, long before the uncontrolled proliferation of words, and before Man turned the Word of Dog around, there was one Word and the Word was Dog. It was a one Dog World

For many Dog Years, Dog ruled this whole Earth ball all alone.
Dog was so big that Dog contained all of life except the Fungi, and he ate them.
Dog was so big that he could run all away around Earth in an afternoon and, arriving at the place he started, would eat some mushrooms and lay down exhausted , though Dog's mind ran on in darkness.

Each morning Dog stretched, shook off sleep, then looked around and saw that all was good; but Dog wanted more.
Maybe Dog wanted family. He had no way of knowing, because he had no word for family, and because there had never been a family of any sort to value , to say nothing about the Cat Family, the Family of Man, or the Bush family, the Binladen family, the Obama family, or yours, or mine.

Everyday, without conscious intentions, Dog haphazardly produced piles, and cairns, and unique figurines consisting of his own good poop, which in those times was more like bread dough than like the degraded poop of today, which is put into plastic bags and sent away to be burried with radioactive waste and disposable diapers in somebody else's back yard.

Sometimes one of Dog's dough piles might seem to resemble a turtle, a bear, or a star-nosed mole, but they were all unrecognized and accidental, because Dog had no ideas, or models, and also because Dog had no hands for detailed molding.
Occasionally Dog's works seemed to him to be strange and threatening beings in themselves and he barked at them, but they only slumped and fell over.

But Dog had an infinity of time, and in a world of infinite accidents, every thing eventually happens into being,
One day during the Early Dog period, , Dog faintly recognized something like his own reflection in one of the polymorphus poopings, so Dog nosed it about a bit to make it more closely resemble Dog's self.
Great though Dog was, Dog was only a dog and without hands, so the poop Dog prodded into more finished shape still only had two legs that were long enough to touch the ground, and the front feet waved vainly in the air.
It was not all that good, and clearly not what Dog was created to do, so Dog turned to digging holes as a creative outlet. Maybe Dog was looking that way for Dog's self or the Dog family, but Dog didn't find it, and about the only result of all this digging was the holes which have become the Finger Lakes, The Great Lakes, The Ural Sea, Lakes Titicaca, Tanganika, and other large bodies of water.

In the meantime, however, the Dog-made poor imitation of Dog, standing on its hind feet with its short- faced, weak- nosed, poorly- eared head in the air, proceeded with touchy feely fingers to make more two-legged somethings like itself, which as soon as you can imagine it, became a crowd, took up sticks, beat Dog into submission and then turned Dog's name around. It is a shame, but that is what we have come to.

I am not saying that I am the return of Dog ; the accident of my birth into this body with the proportions of a Dachshund, is just that -an accident- but with the unique body comes a certain knowledge and perspective, and that is what I offer here.

William ( Dabone) Warren